Five Pain Archetypes

What is yours and how is it serving you?

There is one relationship that is sure to come and go throughout our lives. When we are deep in it, it seems endless. When we are without it, we can barely imagine what it was like. It is a relationship we share with all living beings and yet ultimately, we face it alone.

Pain: physical, emotional or mental, is a fact of life. It is our relationship to it -- our ability to listen to it and understand it -- that keeps us stuck, or frees us from its grip.

If you were to view the way you deal with pain as your ‘Pain Archetype’. What would yours be?

The Worrier

Have you ever had a scratchy throat and worried that you’d end up with a full-blown cold and not be able to do what you have to do that week? The worry can be likened to a Buddhist teaching of the “second arrow”. The pain, in this case the scratchy throat, is the first arrow. The fear of the pain is the second arrow.

The Pusher

We’ve all had to push through pain at times. Our bodies, hearts and minds are well-equipped to do so. Short term, that is. It is when pushing through pain becomes a habit that we miss the message our body is trying to communicate. It is then that we often come into increased pain or a pain pattern.

The Masquerade

At the first sign of a headache, do you pop a painkiller, effectively masking it? Do you go for a run to “fix it”? Do an exercise? Something else? I recall a strategy taught by the school nurse at an International School my kids attended in Chiang Mai, Thailand. When kids came in complaining of a headache, she’d give them a large glass of water and ask them to lie down for fifteen minutes. Most of the time, the kids felt better well before the time was up. She empowered them with a useful skill for dealing with pain, rather than masking it.

The Denier

I must admit to being a denier before I realized my strategy wasn’t working. Denying the pain is especially common in the yoga world where teachers aren’t supposed to have pain. Can you relate to that in what you love to do? Athletes shouldn’t feel tired, mechanics shouldn’t have car trouble, psychologists should be perfectly balanced…you get it.

There is a difference between denying pain and not indulging in it. Turning toward it, getting to know its transient nature and listening for the lesson from the pain is where we experience freedom.

The Avoider

Are there activities you’d love to do but are afraid of the pain? Emotions you’d like to share but are afraid of being hurt? Fear that leads to avoidance can be a very healthy habit when we need to know if it is safe to cross the street for example. Yet, knowing when avoidance is self-limiting opens us to choice and the zest of life.

None of these archetypes and their strategies are bad. Thank goodness for medicine when we need it. Thank goodness we have the strength to push at times when we need to. Empowerment and freedom come when we are aware of our habits and know when they are serving us well and when another strategy would serve us better in the long term.

It takes courage to stay with pain, to catch the blessing. This relates to one of the Yamas, or ethical pillars of yoga, that is likened to “staying in the fire” of something challenging — to catch the lesson.

To learn more about your relationship with pain and a short meditation to change to it, listen to my podcast:

https://www.bodymindease.com/podcast-7-change-your-relationship-pain

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Haruki Murakami

May you live with physical, emotional and mental ease and joy,

Julie

My Life is My Message

"My Life is My Message.” Mahatma Gandhi’s words live on near the United Nations in Geneva.

Exiting the International Red Cross Museum in Geneva, the lump in my throat has softened, the near-tears in my eyes have dried but my heart still seems to take up a vast space in my body.

I went to the museum with my 21-year old daughter, Lauren, and my partner, Mitch, expecting a pleasant tribute to the Red Cross and a little history that might liken to reading a novel about Florence Nightingale as the founder of nursing. Oh, little do I know.

Instead, we were captivated by a skillfully designed museum that had us individually and silently sitting across from 'witnesses' of great human suffering. These witnesses shared their stories, from genocide, war, cyclones and tsunamis across the globe. They were digital projections of real people but their stories were impactful as we touched our hands to their projected hands to show that we were ready to listen.

Through this permanent exhibit, The Humanitarian Adventure, I came away with a deeper understanding of political and natural contemporary problems of humanity and the evolving roles the Red Cross plays in prevention, aid and ongoing support to victims of such tragedies and therefore humanity as a collective.

I was most reminded of the resiliency of the human spirit. I bow to this gift of humankind that is a seed within each of us.

Yes, each of us.

Race, age, political or geographical borders cannot touch that seed.

It can be said that the seed of resilience grows stronger through challenge, like a plant stalk strengthens against the wind.

If in our own life, if we have not experienced great trauma — great winds of challenge — we have certainly have experienced occasional gusts or breezes of trauma. By acknowledging these experiences and leaning into the roots of our very humanness, we discover strength, endurance and self-compassion.

And yet, it takes skill and understanding to lean into that which has been very difficult. To catch fully catch the gifts, we may need help from a loved one, a doctor or professional therapist.

We might say it is from this development of resilience that compassion for others flourishes.

Is this not true in your own experience? Can you think of a particular challenge in your life that fed your understanding and compassion for others?

As we strolled Ariana park near the Red Cross Museum, the statue of Ghandi seemed to pull me toward it despite being on the opposite side of a busy street. Mitch knows there are certain things that pull me into abandonment of whatever I am doing: like when I slam on the bicycle brakes at the sight of a wild berry patch, or veer across lanes of bike traffic in Amsterdam to pursue a "niew herring" stand. He recognized the potential pull of the monument and safely guided me across the street. The inscribed words seems a fitting capstone to our time in the museum, "My life is my message".

This seems vividly true for each of the 'witnesses' profiled at the Red Cross museum and is it also true for each of us?

Feel into your heart and let the answer reveal itself.

Then, do what you need to do to let your message ring loud and clear, as uniquely as this life that lives through you.

If you would like help moving through challenges in your life, or opening to the messages of your heart, I am here for you in one-on-one sessions online or in person. Or join me on an online course or on retreat.

With respect for the resilience within you,

Julie

The Wildfire Within

Just as wildfire makes room in the forest for growth and renewal, personal catharsis can turn the soil of our hearts, leaving fertile ground for our potential to flower. It can also leave us brittle, angry or withdrawn. Much depends on the skills we have of being with challenge and the resilience that naturally comes out of those skills.

In yoga, we can learn from the parallel teaching to the wildfire metaphor, in the Sanskrit word 'tapas', which stems from the verb meaning "to burn".

Tapas is a "niyama", the 2nd of 8 limbs of yoga found in the foundational yogic text, Patanjali's Yoga Sutras. We might think of the niyamas as positive duties or observances. The niyama, tapas, is a burning desire -- or, conversely, burning of desire -- or can be thought of as a discipline.

To me, tapas, practice (which to me feels more like delight than the rigorous associations we might have with the word ‘discipline’ ignites and fuels personal growth and deeper spiritual connection.

Just as wildfires are a natural phenomenon and will occur in their own time with or without human cause or intervention, so too - I believe - is our personal evolution. Human life not only depends on change, it is change. Whether we have a practice or not, change will happen just as surely as fire will burn.

Some fires are purposefully ignited in what is known as a prescribed, or controlled burn; a systematic means of restoring health to an ecosystem. Much like our purposeful action of practicing yoga or meditation to restore the ecosystem of our body, mind and heart.

Regular practice develops skills with which, not only to cope, but to thrive within change.

Stay with me, if you will, as I extrapolate a little further.

Prescribed burns, which are done in the cooler months, also prevent more disastrous, out-of-control fires from happening.

When we practice within a controlled setting - where we feel safe - we learn to skillfully navigate body sensations, emotions, thoughts, beliefs and our place in the order of things. Sure, life will eventually take us through it all even without a practice, but wouldn’t we rather move through life with more skill and acceptance?

The benefits of our personal practice reach further beyond ourselves than we can imagine.

A friend, who is going through a time of profound challenge, wrote in an email to me the other day, "May the day unfold absorbing every ounce of God’s goodness even with the wildfire smoke which casts a feeling of the good ol' days when we had with bushfires on the farm."

Her attitude of gratitude on this day, with a porridge-like grey sky hiding the mountains and biting our lungs, is a testament to her strength and grace. It is a testament to her choice to live consciously and inquire deeply.

Her words make my heart sing, and now perhaps is causing a resonance in your heart. By the way, how many miles away are you?

Now, go out and touch the heart of another, or go within and practice. Together, our love, kindness, compassion and acceptance can reach a million miles.

May your practice in good times and during the seemingly catastrophic times, clear your heart like a runway, for more love and joy to land.